34. Cultural barbarist

I must confess:maybe I am a cultural barbarian. By this I mean: old culture does not interest me much. I tried to boost enthousiasm some degree of enthousiasm while visiting the sacred Chinese Temples of Culture, I honestly did. But for instance the Great Palaces do not move me. I try of course but after a short while I observe myzelf being entrapped by the study of the many Chinese Visitors around me. Its people what I am interested in. And I wonder: who are you, where you from, are you happy, what is your struggle in life.
And I ask: how do you bridge the villagelife where you are from and the big city where you live. How do you manage the omnipresent change around you, that huge creative deconstruction of the old environment. How do you reconcile the past with the ever changing presence. How do you cope.
Its this enormous challenge of every Chinese person that interests me.

So I am hunting Chinese painters that express this battle raging in the hearts of my Chinese
brothers and sisters, a rage conceiled by 1000 year old gentle and kind behavior.
I did not find many painters that moved me. But I am in the beginning of my query.

32 Chinese Blog

The blog is published under: blog.sina.com.cn/dayangschouten

31 heat wave in Beijing. My car key. Chinese blog

The latest news from Beijing: after the severe cold in every household as a result of the Policy of the Ministry of In-House temperature a new problem seems to arise.

On november 15, I sent congratulation telegrammes to my Beijing acquaintances. On that day the Ministry opened the heating system and ended the coldness( inside= outside=3 degrees C).
One of my readers remarked that now in all those apparments a new problem seems to arise: in many houses now it is uncontrolable hot nowadays!

On november 14 more than 80% of the inhabitants (including me) were sitting in their homes in their double pullovers and winter coats, or sleeping at 2100 in their beds under double blanckets.
November 16 there were sweating in 30+ degrees in tiny T shirts with their noses as close to the open windows as possible.


But the kind person who told me this does not complain. No Chinese will complain. The cold and also the cold in my heart I wont tell you about forced me to return to Holland. And when I tell this to my Beloved Chinese Friends, they smile at me and interrupt me or call me a spoiled dutch brat. And maybe I am. I dont care.

Last evening I had my own personal heatwave in Holland. At the gasstation. I parked my car at The Essostation. Took the key of the car. Filled the tank. Walked 20 meter to the desk and payed. Then I went back, opened the door...but where was the key of my car?
I checked all my pockets, walked back and forth scrutinizing the ground like a hunting dog. No key. Then in the car. No key. Then on my knees to look below the car. No key.
I asked a friend who passed by to also do some detective work...no key.
There I stood, with my unmovible car (automatic gear), unlocked, the gorgeous Italian M. in front of one of the 10 gaspumps.
So in the end I phoned the company in the village nearby that normally removes wrecked cars from the highway to pick up the M.
'Did you look well enough?'
The driver was called Derk Jan.
'Ýes,'I said.
"Do you mind if I look? Thats cheaper than drag that car to my parking place.'
Of course I did not mind.
The very kind man came back with a mining lamp on his forehead and some metal wires. And Yes. Of course I had looked everywhere. But did I look good enough?
The key was hidden in a very lousy spot, nearly not detactable. And he found it.
Silly. Driving along happily I opened the window to cool my warm body. Where are my spare keys? I really wouldnt know.

Why so absent minded? And why bothering about the China cold or heat?
Arent there more important subjects? Yes, there are, or rather: is and that is Argentina. I see myself drifting slowly from its shores. Its time to fetch the oars and start paddling again. But how does Argentina look like? Thats for the next time.

30 riddle

"I have no duty to others, only to myself"

Who said that?
Mao, when 24.

This according to Jung Chang and Jon Halliday in Mao, The unknown story, 2005.
Of course the gracious Jung Chang is not a friend of Mao and his friends (read her Wild Swans). But this book is well documented, so Mao'statement might be true.

But what does his philosophy mean? Theory without practice is rubbish. So : Did the then 24 odd year old Mao put these words into practice or not? And how?

I will and can not answer this question. But maybe my life would be more easy if I had more Mao in me..and maybe life would have been better for many Chinese if Mao had had more Jan Schouten in his soul.

29 exit slipperslane and a riddle

The person I rented my appartment from sold it. Wow, after 4 months. Legally she was entitled to do so. Bad contract. She kicked me out with two months rent for cash. But I did not move, until a new place was found. "Was found"..not by me.
"You have to move."
"I won't."
"You have to."
"Yes."
"So?"
"I won't move."

Slipperslane was more to me than just a dwelling. It embodied a lot of hopes.
Now I got a new flat. Good contract. But not my place. So a couple days ago I left China somewhat earlier than expexted. Out of the cold. Like 80 percent of Beijing houses mine also is on city heating. But that collective good starts only to work november 15. So quite democratically temperature inside every home is the same as outside. (6 Celsius). I left for this cold. But also for the shivering that always follows success, when the warm sweat is no longer needed.
SchoutenChina had a good presentation on october 24. My old book on assertiveness translated in Chinese and presented to the Ambassador and by him to alle kinds of Chinese people in the Educational field, had a fair reception. Chris Jiang started as CEO. Structure and Bupla are
in the minds. I now can retreat for the real champions: Tonio, Gonnie, Tineke, the Chinese Colleages. I Can retreat to my usual position: outside.

I was thinking of Beijing: Just offices and places to be offices. If you dont work in one of the cublicles: very boring. Holland is better. Maybe bring China to Holland.

Riddle: who said this (): "

" To be morally good it is not required to act in such a way that it benefits others. Morality does not need a social definition....People like me()want to satisfy fully their own hearts and doing so we follw automatically the highest moral codes. Of course there are people and things things in the world, but they are there only for my use...I have no duty to others...only to my self...."

No it is not Ayn Rand or any other Gurus of US capitalism

I am looking out over the lake. Its warm in my room. The air is clear.I am thinking of Beijing: Sunday, cold sunday. Yes, better to bring China to Holland.

Opera

The terrace Of Heineke, the most hospitable café in the village boarding the Lake. The day after my birthday. I am on my own, listening to my I Pod. Eyes shut. Sun hits my face. In the blind I can reach my glass of Cola Light. Its 14.25. Yes sometimes I have to look. Is it safe? yes it is safe.
Its Bartoli again. Singing arias, or "songs" my Chinese friends would say. Yes nice Songs. "Who is that girl?" 14 days ago I visited The Commune of the Great Wall, a hotel 60 km to the north of Beijing. Never go there, there reader, dont follow my mistake, unless you are one of those dead US professors they dump in that unhuman prestige hotel.
But the girl behind the counter interested me. Direct. Reserved. With those slight hesitations that trigger my curiosity. There is the hotel music. Good choice. Kathleen Ferrier echoing in the huge hall. I interrupt the ritual of showing mij passport aso, walk into the center of that big, high, hall, ridiculously impressive. And I close my eyes to listen better, all on my own. Listening.Enjoying.
I walk back.
"Beautiful!"
She is polite.
"Yes."
"Kathleen Ferrier, do you know her."
She is wearing a red star on her shirt. It starts to move.
"No."
"No problem."
Gracious me. I must have smiled. She gathered her self.
"I dont know much of those singers. The only one I know.."
"Yes?"
"Tom Cruise."
Yes, I said, he is a great singer.

But that conversation I remember just now, trying to describe my stay at the terrace of Heineke. It was past 1400 then. Sunday. And it maybe the sun melting down the lids of my my memory or the melancholic state I was in, anyhow, suddenly it came into my mind how the little Jan passed his sunday afternoons. His ears glued to the old Philips listening to his favourite sunday program: Het Opera en Belcanto programma van de Belgische Radio. Always on those dead sunday afternoons in that completely town I lived.
There I was, just 5 meters from my unhappy parents, warming my chaotic and despairing heart.
"Please," I screamed," I want to go out. Let me go. I want to go out and conquer the world."
But the screaming stayed inside. And I stayed put. Because 13. Because of the pain imagining the despair of my miserable father and mother, when I would leave.
I opened my eyes. The man besides me smiles at me. He raises his hands towards heaven.
"Delicious."
And yes. "Fantastic" I said.
And that it was. The sun warming my face, a stranger hugging me, Bartoli stroking my heart.

27 Birthday eve/ she de

00.40 hours . On my own, middle of the night. House at the Lake. Outside some distant lights deepen the blackness of the night. i Tunes gives me Bartoli in her newest set of aria's called Maria. I finished a glass of malt called the Balvenie, present of Gonnie. A bottle of Wasabi peanuts near by. They are strong and keep me awake while I type this Blog.

And I try to review the past year.
I memorize things gained: little pearls deepdown the river of consciousness, almost forgotten, dug into the mud of my history. I feel good. At the same time I look at life with the big eyes of a bewildered child. Its not chaos that surrounds me but a well contoured world that so often is not mine.

And I ponder about what I lost, or in the process of losing or fighting against losing.

I once met a 1000 year old Chinese Woman and at certain moments handpicked only by her self, she descends from her planet to visit me. So she does this night. She is sitting opposite me me, blocking the view of the lake. She is extremely agile and while her increasingly greying hair is waving likes the manes of a fiery litlle lion, she lectures me about "loss":

"Loss is destiny. But God is fair. There is Chinese word for it: SHE DE.
SHE means: give it away. DE means : gain something.."

"I don't understand? Whats the use?"

"Only if you can stand giving away you can get things back. So SHE and DE are closely related to each other."

And off she is. My room is empty as if she never visited me.

Can I stand giving away? Can I stand the pain caused by the misery of others?
Tomorrow is my birthday. What will I gain the coming year?

And how come, that just writing all this down refreshes my hope?