20. Ducks

Yesterday I saw 5 ducks swimming by the landing stage of my House at the Lake. One the mother. 4 children. Fun. The mother jumped towards me and kept
looking at me from only one meter. I coould have made Peking Duck out of her but I am such a nice gentle person. I only her sisters after them being killed by others. gentle me. The weather ok and my sailing match went well. Got completely wet in a thunderstorm, but I went on, reaching the finish 10 out of 30.
I got a killing reaction from a dutch guy on my last Blog. I forgot his name but he wrote to me :
"How dare you even thinking about buying a human being. You are a bad person."
Of course I thought. This man is right. I dont care. But honestly I try to improve myself. So I here solemnely declare that in my next visit to Beijing I will
say "no" to anybody offering me one of those delicious ducks.

19 the heat and the pilotcourses

19. june 24 2211 hs. This afternoon I arrived from Beijing after my 8th visit to this glorious city.
Anne collected me at the airport, looking gorgeous. Had a traditional coffee at the sidebar on the
way to the Parking Lot. In Zaltbommel we had diner at the Verdraagzaamheid, ribeye for me and beef for Anne, to empower herself after the great Lectric party of Yesterday, the party I regret I could not visit. I did my best and also Vera did but I really couldnt redirect my fligth so
I had to stay in Beijing in the night Jan Hein and Sjoerd and hundreds of colleagues of Lectric celibrated the 10th anniversary of Lectric, that daring and good enterprise I co founded 10 years ago. A pity. But thats life...Instead my last nigth in Beijing I had a glorious diner in a
restaurant in the South, having fresh made dumplings- behind the glasswall you could see a dozen hygienical clad girls filling and folding them. After that a long talk outside Starbucks. Sweet.
The last week Beijing was dominated by a deep heat. Happily the Airco in the office could produce an agreable temperature of 27 degrees C. Outside 40 C. In the mornings streets are sprayed with water. Many girls walking with parasols, because they dont want the tan- even using bleaching creme. Through Ad Nederloff I met Rita and she doesnt care about getting a tan. She
introduced me at Yoga, but not the indian one: a blend of tai chi kung fu. So standing before a huge mirror I had to face the factsthat I -though strong- am a very stiff tree, compared with her and her instructorfriend who also could be watched in that same mirrow. Yes it was good, for getting the rest at will and also it was good as a lesson in humility. That graciousness of those women!
The trip was very usefull. Dong Yan and colleagues Xiao, Chelsea, Echo and Shufeng had organized 3 pilotcourses, to test our approach. Completely new to the 2 x 30 and 1x 45 attendants, but highly wanted. by them. Experiential learning of the kind Schouten&Nelissen deliverd, is asked for.Great. Now we can build the courses and bring them to the market: good and at the same time cheap courses associated with the required certificates. And there was a succesful introduction for 28
attendants for our Course Train the Trainer. It was a surprise to experience that attendants
like to be addressed in english, but at the same time we are sure that Chinese trainers are needed. So we train them. The credits for this succes should go to all involved, but especially to
Dong Yan, who "filled"the courses and our trainers Tineke Kanters and Caroline.
To me it was a good trip. I had interviews with candidates for different posts, but no one
suitable. Pity. We decided to make "finding the manager" top priority and that means one in a higher salarysegment. Good.We made a contract with Met Press, the publisher for bringing out in Chinese a selection of books of Thema. Good. But is is my destiny and capability to look ahead and thereare many poroblems to be solved, and they will be solved: finding a top manager, adjusting the marketing plan, highspeed design of courses etc etc. We entered a new phase.

And there is of course California. I asked"what is happiness to you?' to K, a high ranking commercial manager and to C, her Colleague. K: she is is long girl, expressive face. "My family
she said. My husband." Gleaming eyes. But C said: "dont ask that question. When you aware
of that, it certainly is to late-things already are bad." Oh they all do really honor there family. Completely aware of the sacrifices parents made to send the children to school. Parents of 60
experienced the in the west highly applauded Big Leap Forward and the Cultural Revolution. And Survived. Heroes. As Rita explained: when employing some one, choose the one between 23 and older, because they know what poverty and working mean and from their parents they learned that succes, food, money never is a certainty.

This is what a friend told me. She was going to marry. But 3 months before the fixed date she
discovered that her future husband had a longlasting love relation with another woman. The man had a business with giga cashproblems. And his lover who loved him was rich and helped him out with money. So he went on with that affair. No marriage. Money love killer.

Ad Nederloff told me this and I could check his story by means I wont reveal. "Recently I met a
60 year old friend a gentle man , in need for a a long lasting relationship. A couple of days later I had a meeting with a beautiful 26 year old and explained to her the situation of the friend. I asked her: "would you consider marrying that guy, so much older?"
"Yes, she said, why not. I should of course need some time to get to know him, but
why not'?
And to put a halt to my amazement, Ad confronted me with the researched facts from american studies that arranged marriages last so much longer and are so much more satisfying to both partners. But there is always money involved."

So while writing these lines in my House at the Lake it comes to my mind to write a new Chhinese short story and start it with this line :

Not very long after his sixtieth birthday Peter Nieman decided to buy a Chinese woman and marry her. The words "not very long"need to be specified
of course etc etc

"Remember," I tell my self, "everybody reading these lines will kill you. But before that fatal moment I hope to get the opportunity to utter some last words:......that you never can buy someone nowadays without she buying you....that in Holland- that great merchant country- most marriages are based on this very contract...."
But I dont think my point of view stands a chance. Moreover I first have to finish my novel, some painstaking weeks still...

18 Beijing-Paris rally and Pitt Lindner on happiness

Its Sunday. June 10 21.08 The sun yellow red, more orange than red in a leaden sky. The wind 3 bf from NNE. My window speckled with the many mosquito's that though impressive in their
multitude never are dangerous. They are all born into the deep peaty bottom of the Lake and
suddenly and seemingly from nowhere come up in swarms from the surface to see for first time Light and the same Sun I am now looking at from my House. This afternoon the sailing match was cancelled due to no winds, so I had time to prepare my next trip to Beijing.
Main Goal: hiring further staff.
And with a cup of Senseocoffee in my hand and feeling stiff and tired and content I am wondering: what is Argentina if Argentina is the symbol for happiness.
This morning I observed a young swallow who under the guidance of a parent had her or his first flying lessons. I thought I could see her heart throbbing. A minute of the here and now and I could feel again my heart beat and my warm eyes remembering the first swimming lessons of Marie my daughter: her abundant smile, her upheld head millimeters above the water. Her eagerness to reach theother side of the bassin. Her joy, pride, confidence.
And I realize now my confidence in the whole planning process of today and the feel of being boss of myself. Not disturbed by unnecessary frustrations.
I own nothing, no thing, no person. So I cannot lose anything
But what about love and friendship?
may 26 I had a wholeday trip around Beijing to look for possible other places than Riverside to live.
Boudewijn Heeren and Tony Zhou from Inspiree are the persons who can help a publisher to distribute his books all over China. And in the gentle personal talk we also had, they gave me
a routing, a day later enriched by a nice person I had lunch with, T., a friend of Ad Nederloff.
So I had a tour. While driving me alrong the driver teaches me Chinese. A gentle person, father of an only child. The son nearly finished University. According to Dong Yan the father is an example of the millions and millions of Chinese parents who spend 1/3 of their not too big income to the study of their children. So I visited Long Tan Park in the south. Nancizi and Houhai rep east and north west of the big square And the area of the fragrant hills.
The fragrant hills are in the North East near
the summer Place. Just nature. Boring. The Long tan Park is nice to walk in. It is bordered by
a small villapark in white stucco, but not inspiring. Its a compound. We were not allowed to enter, but the gentle driver gave the good reasons, because in the end one of the watchmen jumped in the backseat and allowed us to visit the neighbourhood. It did not inspire me. There are a lot of those compounds like this one in Beijing, full
of watchmen in semi- military attire. Always saluting and showing you the way, I mean waving their arms in the direction you are already heading for. I once visited a compound especially filled with expats. In the mood I was in, I thought I could see the walls weep.
The other places were full of live. Vendors, small shops, bikes. A lot of tourists also. And also big walls Behind them I guess the big and lush villa's and housing that a person like I like. But impernetratable, if that the right word.
So I am glad I met that nice person that is willing to the place I really look for: a complete
Chinese village in the outskirts of Beijing. Maybe this week.
After 6 hours driving through heavy traffic my Gentle Driver got hungry. I proposed to go to
the Shangri La Hotel to have some food. My friend Bert Kersten was staying there waiting for the start of the Beijing-Paris Rally for classic cars( he himself owns a 1929 Bentley)
My Genle Driver declined the offer. To stupidly expensive he gestured, so we drove around trying to find a normal Chinese restaurant. It took some time because it was 15.00 and due
to the heat most restaurants were closed. But we found one and I had my vegetables.
After that good meal we payed the bill. Costs approximately 2 coffees at the Shangri La.
I was glad to see Bert. We hugged and said goodby to the driver who went with his car to
the backyard to have a nap. Of course I know the outfits like Shangri La, just like you, I guess.
It could be new York or Amsterdam. Huge, a strinquartet, waitresses one shoulder bare, long silk dresses, selected on the same length, smiling. If you forgot the gentle eyes, the genuine kindness, they could easily could stand in for the reception of a up market brothel.
Bert soon would go off for a 16000 km trip through China, Mongolia and Russia up to Paris with not too much comfort along the road (sleeping in small tents) so I granted him the luxury, also because he is always the same gentle man.
He was not the only driver in that Place, there were 130 x 2 of them and not all them passing
by- worn out cocks in a macho role playing act- aroused my sympathy. But Bert attracted the
good people. Not only the actor B who joins him on the 6 week trip. But also an Englisman I
immediately liked for several reasons, but also by the fact he openly and vehemently accused
Blair for High Treason in the Iraq War case. And I joined him fullheartedly with my own target/
the governememt and its coterie in den Haag.
There sat in that carré of sofa´s also a slender guy from Germany, calles Tripp Lidner. I may use his name. He was driving a 100 year old fire brigade car. The Being Paris started 100 years
ago for the first time, so maybe his car.... Anyhow, the man called Tripp just sat there, nipping
his tea, looking at me with clear brown eyes. Kindly provocative.
`So Tripp,´I said. `We were just discussing the subject, can you tell me, what is happiness
to you.
He immediately fired. From his hip.
´My wife,´he said.´
I told him how I felt.
He believed me, he said.
He tossed me his mobile phone.
´Read these two messages. This is she. All the way from my village.´
The first one.
Darling Tripp, I sit in the garden. Alle those flowers. I saw a beautiful dragon fly and immediately thought of you. Love love...
The second one , a minute later.
But darling darling, even without that dragon fly I think of you. Always.

I remember this moment as a sweet present from Tripp to me, the complete stranger to him.

Outside the lake slowly darkening. And I loath the poor philosophy inherent to

the maxim `I f you dont own somebody, you cannot be hurt.`

And hitting the keys of my PC, I cannot say more to certain persons known and yet unkown to me, than this. Please let me be the guest in your life and let me be hurt by you.

But not too much.

17 Whats happiness? Argentine?

I am back in my House at the lLke. Yes, I know I owe myself a detailed description of my stay in Beijng from may 21 up to june 5 but life is so full of impressions. So I will paint them not day by day but in little fragments, in vignets that I associate with my daily experiences of wherever I am. Thats my life I am a keen observer sometimes, but every photograph I make of a particular part of the world always is associated with the so called non-existent or past.
Last night I had a very good sleep. This fact normally does not deserve headlines, but now, at this particular moment it does. Because I did not sleep that good, neither in Beijijng nor here. In Beijing I often could not get the sleep, most of the times for no good reasons. I could blame the
frogconcerts, or that mosquito. But I know this is not the real reason. Normally Morpheus kills
those intruders. But not that time in B.
I once remarked: happiness is not in the brain, but I of course we are not only governed by the feelingparts of the brain, but also by the Cortex. And I guess this Big Thinker that contains
the hidden code of law that governs and governed my life is in a state of transition at the cost
of exhaustion. And ironically only the finding of the right words enlightens this morbid state.
I am talking of course about inefficiency, i.e the loss of energy, and not of ineffectiveness because my days in Beijing were good and succesful and full of new actions. And beautiful moments. For instance the day we spent on the opening of our office in SOHO Beijing. Soon you are able to view a film on it on this Blog. I met new friends. I saw candidates for the positions in the office. I found a publisher for the books of Thema we want to publish in Chinese.
And I drew the line whereever necessary.
Yesterday I participated in a most boring pokergame, stretching and stretching untill I ended my part by taking a too big risk and losing my treasure in 3 seconds. I didnot care. The
host was that nice woman, daughter of a friend. Other friends too, one of them a estate agent who won twice. No problem: brokers always do.
I took a J Daniels and another one. My host forbade me more drinks because I had to drive home in my new Italian car and she wanted me to arrive safely.
It was 02.oo in the morning and my driving style was that of a staggering horse. Suddenly
an VW Golf hooted.
From an olive coloured face, white teeth . A maroccon guy I guessed. Slowly driving alongside
he opened his window. I did the same.
"Hé, man ,"he said,' Are uou drunk?'
"No, no."
"Then you are tired? I can see it."
"Yes, yes."
"Be carefull. A hundred meters further, the police is on the wait.'
I showed him my biggest smile. Borded him again at a traffic light. He pointed at the M I own now for a couple of days.
"Beautiful car."
Yes, I have to admit. But I said.
"I saved for it all my life."
Unnecessary remark: no trace of jealousy, no need for comfort.
"Yes,'he said,'saving is important. Take care." And off he went, reaching the crossroads far a
head of me.
Love is in the air.

This morning start gray and sticky and I started with a coffee at Heineke. I parked the M in
the back and read the paper. The last time I was here I enjoyed the news of Bokito. I couldnt find a follow up. The room was dominated by a group of sturdy dutchmen dissuccing Dutch Affairs. No word about the Yellow Danger. I didnt amaze me. The rapeflowers so beautiful and threatening are out. The grasses took over. And the Poppy's .
After my second cyo I started to read the instruction on the retrieval system of the car. This instrumnet is controlled by GPS and after someone steals the car, the limousine can be traced on the spot.
Henny the owner, in the sailing game also, shook my hand.
"Whats is that?'
I explained.
He started laughing, pressing my shoulder.
"Thats good,"he said,"now they can find you."
He is that small guy who's face looks closed and tightlipped. You can get scared. Wrong. He is a lamb in a wolfe's skin.
In the supermarket I bought my food. An experiment: Pakzoi. Happily enough a lady wanted to inform me, that I have to cook it, or buirn it in a wok. And I bought three pieces of chicory. And with some help from a newly acquired friend I learned to pack, weigh it my self and put
a pricetab on it. It is known that the last emperor of China could not even blow his own nose. had to learn that in a yearlong reeducation. And he seemed to be happy with that learning process. I can imagine.
I stopped my car along the road and I gathered a poppy, just one. How long ago I had one in my hand> I cant remember. The stem a spindle-leg. Needs waxing. The oily red, little bit lines as if there are veins in the flowerleafs. Inside hidden like a treasure a circle of tender pink and old blue spurs.
The landscape is full of them now. A rich country, Holland.

16 RIVERSIDE BEIJING 22 mei

16. 09.45 Beijing time. On the upperdeck everybody is in a rush. The plane has come to a standstill and nobody seems to like this state of nonmovement. I decide to wait and occupy myself with a bet: will there be anybody to pick me up? Before I left I made it clear to everybody that I really wished and wanted and demanded to make the trip to my home at
Riversides on my own. So I made a bet: 40% that the gentle persons of the SchoutenChina-office
would give me this chance to prove my independence. 40 % that they would act counterdependend- "following my wish and at the same time not doing so"- and would send the
nice driver waiting for me at the gate.15 % that Don Yang would have sent Dong Xiao, the media
expert at the office and a friend. And 5 % yes, 5% the Acrobat would be there maybe accompanied by an other person. Wishfull thinking? Of course.
In the empty cabine I took the time to fill in the three papers the governement of the Peoples
Republic of China demand me to fill in. So I wrote down my name, my very secret birthdate, the
goal of my visit and stated that I did not import forbidden goods and solemnely declared that
I am a good and healthy person, everything three times, every time confirmed by my signature.
Outside I took the required hurdles and started my waiting exercise in the last queu, proving
during that hour of patience that my condition is top. The official, an elegant girl in uniform and white shirt, pressed the button of the satisfaction box and of course I gave her the highest score
for servicing me the right way. Yes she stamped my passport without delay and she smiled at me. Good.
My luggage came last. So I had the time to look outside, but I did not see anybody familar to me. I felt a bit sad. The other times she always was waiting and it took time at the toilet before
I had myself in the hand again, remembering the fruit of my stay at the House at the Lake the
last months. So full of determination I went through Customs, opened the glasspanel. I lost my bet. Out side they were waiting for me, the Acrobat together woth DongYan.
"Why are you here?"
"I won't tell."
They let me order a cab and let me give the adress to the driver. Ordered me to buy a coke.
And so I did.
The air was full of rain. And because CNN had informed me wrongly I did not have a coat.
The trip itself took 1 1/2 hour because of huge traffic jams. 1 1/2 hour, but in my mind it took
a day. I felt constrained like a horse wanting to jump at that elegantly dressed up girl, in the mean time being held back by the million cords I had wound around my heart. I lived in my head. Glad to end up at my place.
When in Beijing I live in Riversides, in the South not far from Frongron, where the real Chinese people live, the poor ones. I hate the environment expats in the North-West. But Riverside is a posh appartmentcomplex. It is a Canandian
project, consisting of buildings planted in a green environment. There are rivers flowing in between the flats. You can look at www.lvcgroup.com for a good impression. The Clubhouse is
marvellous if you like a dark and brown atmosphere. It shows modern in a 19th century clubstyle. With a library, squashcourts, fitness centres, table tennis hall, in house golfcourse, pool room, swimming pool and a movie theatre, coffeeshop: all for the people living here. But its dark inside. Some burning bulbs but they enlarge the impression of that brown dark. A lot of personell bowing and saying Nihao. I remember that song of Mink (willy) de Ville, stating
I dont need fame or fortune, people kneeling at my knees
But I sing that line they would not understand. Only Chinese they understand. I dont care. They dont care: everybody in thecomplex is of Chinese extraction.
But living there is nice. My appartment 120 m/2 is fresh and clean and I immediately decided
not to go out in the rain and stay for a while. My goals for this trip: 1) meet much new
chinese people,2) meet a chinese boss 3)find a chinese publisher 4) attend the opening 5) buy a
bike 6)look at the start of the Beijing-Paris rally for oldtimers and especially meet my friend Bert Kersten. 7) Work at the ofice and wait for Tonio, Gonnie, Frank and Monique who will arrive later that week 8) working.
My appartment- called "slipperslane"by Tonio because I oblige every guest to put off their shoes- consists of a living room. dominated by a huge televisionscreen. Two bedrooms. a study
two bathrooms and a study.
I drank my first warm water. Why did the Acrobat pick me up at the airport? I know, but it is better, that I repeat that the Acrobat does not really exist. She is the expression of my desire
for a warm and tender friendship. But I know a person to whom the Acrobat really exists. I met
him a few days before I left from Holland": Carnival, one of the characters in my story "Li Xiao, the Flute Player. And soon I will write a second Chinese short story
about that conversation. Thats what I decided. I cleared my luggage. And went to bed for a nice
2 hours nap.