3. April 11 2007

Wesnesday 1830 I arrived at my House On the Lake. While I crawled out of the Saab, fully loaded with suitcases, sacks of food, sporting gear, Bobbian the ownerI rent the cabin from opened the door. He was not looking that good. His sweaty T shirt hardly could contain his belly. Unshaven. He is a blocked guy, outdoor man, working as an engineer in the Offshore Industry. 14 days off and on and now in the last days before he is choptered again to his platform in the North Sea he worked like hell to fix the House.
He said :"Hallo." I said: "Hi Bob, here is me." Silly and childish remark. And so I felt.
Joyce his friend for ever, fullblooded, blond, direct, joined him.
"Hallo, Jan. " And in the sitting room after lighting her third sigaret in 30 minutes: "While I saw your car and you stepping out. I felt the tears burning in my eyes." And also: "I know what
it means, I already lived through it. " Her divorce took 5 years and though happy with Bobbian it is still haunting her.
The House is named Cockpit ( Kajuit). One big room, overlooking the lake. 4 rooms upstairs. A
kitchen. Full view from the kitchen table.
Today I left the Princess too live here on my own.
I felt strange, all my feelings at a distance. I left. Anne resembles the Princess, her old and not always comfortable friend. But she is not she. Anne is my lifelong wife, the mother of my three children. She tried to protect the Princess. "Dont leave her, even if you think you must."
But I went. I had to.
The first day in the house: the silence. I openend one of the three books I brought with me. Started reading in Camus, "the wedding." How he extately described a long day at the ruines of an old abby near the sea. Completely inbedded in nature: not the word, but the real thing: the perfume of thousand flowers, the salt on his skin, the warmt of the sun baking his body, back to the womb when he felt himself engulfed by the lukewarm water of the sea.
Happiness. And happiness is not in the brain.
I tried to start the television, but Bobbian had not yet fixed everything. So I sat in the kitchen.
Took a cola light- a zjenzi colá. I am able to order it myself in China.
The sky rose-fingered. The sun in the West a glowing fruit, setting in the haze. On the lake a sailer drifted lazely to the South. Everything quiet. I easily found the words. They didnt reach my heart though.

Before I went to my single bed upstairs, I took the print of a message of Tonio. He was sitting in the new office in Soho-south- Beijijng. Don Yan the projectmanager did a good job. She is a life long friend of the Acrobat. Resembling her. Tender hands, fierce eyes, 159 cm and a very capable projectmanager. She is not she. "Dont leave The Acrobat" she pleaded. But I did.

A print of a mail from Jennifer Zang: "Are you really moving to Argentina?" I tried my Compaq for her telephonenumber. No contact. Yes Jennifer I thougth I am really on my way to
Argentina. That is the reason why I live now in the house on the lake.
Would she understand?
I met her twice. An elegant and professional Chinese Woman, living in Rotterdam. A girl with the smallest hands I ever touched. Businesspartner to Ad Nederloff, who helped us a lot Building Schouten China.
"Why Argentina?' I remembered my question and how many years ago, in a forlorn sundayafternoon, we, Anne en me, were watching a documentary of Gardell, the famous Argentinian/Italian chainsmoking singer. Died a long time ago.
And he sang his most famous song: Volver. How he as an Italian emigrant on the deck of the tramper below the starspeckled sky dreamed of the Promised Land, Argentina. And wheeped about the past he had to leave in order to arrive at his Shangri La.
Shangri La not the Kerry hotel in Beijing, though it carries the same name. It is a region in China. Nor far from Tibet. China.

I phoned Lonneke V to put the program of SchoutenChina on this weblog. Lonneke V, not the sweet wife of Jan Hein, also called Lonneke. From oktober 17 2006 up to now apart of my other business I spent every hour to make "China" a succes. And a succes it will be. In those 160 days I and my friends likeTonio went 6 times to Beijing and back. To investigate, to build. And there of course I met the Acrobat.
Lonneke V said:"yes I will do that for you, Jan, you digibete."
Lonneke V is general manager of Loopbaan.nl, the site I builded together with her the last 18 months. Together with Onno, the leading writer. Starting from scratch, loopbaan.nl now is the leading careerbuilding site in Holland, with everyday increasing traffic.
She is the fastest learning person I recently met. Upwards striving, but staying fresh and never taking a comment, tip, suggestion as a personal affront. So different from the Princess. Anne agrees: Lonneke is different from so many careerwomen, like The Princess, so vulnerable in their selfesteem. Why do so many upward mobile women in Holland regard help as a humiliation- especially when it comes from men?